Today I was a part of a crisis of wills. Getting a frantic phone call from someone regarding her x-boyfriend and their child.
The father was estranged, has been known to steal and otherwise not be the best role-model for his child. However, the blame is not to be placed solely on the head of this father on this situation.
You see, the child is to be in school, but has not yet been enrolled. I don’t know the particulars but I do believe this needs to be resolved.
The bigger issue is the child: he has some serious emotional problems that cause him to not exactly behave as a child over the age of 11.
His world perception is that of a neglected, abused slave in his home. Although this is not the case it is the perception. Of course when the child visits his father, he tells him of his own perception.
These 2 parental groups need to get together and figure out what is best for this child. His current home life is a bit disheveled, but it is not impossible.
I see the child’s perspective, I see the mother’s perspective, and I see the father’s perspective. Most of all, I’ve had a hand in putting this child on a path to success before relinquishing him back to his mother 2 1/2 years ago, where the path became too rocky for his mother and step-father to maintain.
I do believe that spending more time with his father–a month probationary period–might help the child to become a bit more balanced. If the father can show responsible fatherly behavior, get some help of his own through counseling–he has been known to steal–and learn some parenting skills, and if the same can be done for the child’s mother and step-father, then maybe the three of them could become a positive set of role models for the child.
What I do not see is the troubles that have caused so much anxiety in these parents. They don’t seem to know how to communicate with each other. It is a crisis of wills. Everyone has their will over the child, but the child has no will of his own. He feels powerless and is using his parents against each other to try to gain some empowerment in his own life.
What to do…what to do…
I do believe I know, but the advice requires execution–that is where the crisis of wills stops progress.